You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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