if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
