you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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