His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love having hate sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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