jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
