Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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