We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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