im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
