and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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