I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
