I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
