you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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