Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
