i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
