It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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