so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
