I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
