i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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