Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
