i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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