I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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