I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize