Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
