Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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