So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
