IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
