I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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