Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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