you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
