Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
