he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
