Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
