Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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