i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
