Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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