I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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