Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My feet surprised me
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