u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize