Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize