Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
