fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My first STD was from a foam party
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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