Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
