just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
