some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize