That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
