We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
