He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
