So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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