i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
