remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
