I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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