I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
