I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
