Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have feelings that need drinking.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
