Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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