No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
