He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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