sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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