i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
50% drunk capacity currently
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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