i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize