dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
