Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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