i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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