you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
