Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
