she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I'm really busy with my period
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