tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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