I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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