im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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