I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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