just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
