She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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