last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
