Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
