no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
