I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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