Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize